“Where Is This Love? I Can’t See It, I Can’t Touch It. I Can’t Feel It. I Can Hear It. I Can Hear Some Words, But I Can’t Do Anything With Your Easy Words.”

One of my favorite movies of all time: “Closer,” Alice says this. She asks about why come she can’t see the love? Touch it, feel it. Then she repeats that she can hear it—but that hearing it is easy. Those words are easy. Tell me some hard words, if any words. Make me speechless. Heart […]

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I Fell In Love The Way You Fall Asleep: Slowly, and Then All At Once

I was about seven when my Mom got me a hamster. I named her Chrissy. Light brown, sorta fat, cute as a little talking chipmunk. Mind you—this is coming from a person that’s terrified of rats, roaches, spiders, and everything creepy. At first, she used to snip at me. Nip my fingertips wildly. Then I […]

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Long Term Relationships = Complacency

Who can help it? The natural progression of things. Ebb and Flo. Eventually you’re showering and peeing together (ewk!) the love is “bunny nosey posie.” Coos and spooning. Fall asleep holding each other without any realistic idea that it’s definitely going to get hot like two obnoxious kissie-poo bears cuddling in the middle of a […]

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You Are Missing Your Window Of Opportunity Because I Am Climbing My Pretty Legs Out Of It

The Opportunist

  Is there such a thing as perfect timing? Ok, maybe not perfect but what about mediocre timing? If someone asks you for a favor after a hot bath, after you’ve eaten, and your mind is rather relaxed—aren’t you more inclined? I’m starting to believe in the world of MOP. I made that up. But […]

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Think About All The Fucking Possibilities

Think About All The Fucking Possibilities

Ever heard of stop talking about it and just do it? Well, this poster is the epitome of what I mean.

I grew up in a household wholesomely committed to cursing. Stump your tow, “fuuuuuuuck!” Left the bath water on… “Goodddddamit~” Walk in and the dishes haven’t been done, “So what the fuck you been doin’ all day while I was at work?”

So now as I attempt to re-program myself to live the life I’ve always wanted, some of the hardest things have been:

1. Giving up coffee ( I am not doing well at this)
2. Sticking to the disciplines I’ve set for myself
3. Curbing my cursing

My Ma is the sweetest curse-a-holic you’ve ever met. She’d curse for no reason—the type of person you want on your reality show. She’d say something like “sit your fine ass down and tell me about it,” or when I tried on make-up for the first time her words were “So you think you fucking cute?” My all time personal favorite, when something didn’t sound right to her she’d say “You better go sit in the fucking chair about that.” As she urged me to seek the counseling even she never received.

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She Think I’m Soft ‘Cause I Write Nonfiction

I plan for the worst. Hope for the best. I fret. There’s always a time limit. When the time runs out, I kickbox or I run. When I was a little girl, my Dad used to walk into our family room on  Saturday mornings–maybe seven am-ish, and I’d be playing mystery computer games. I played […]

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I Like It Wild

I have a few favorite stores and designers and Anthropologie is one of them. They’re advertising this hanging bed, and I mean seriously. I’d likely never make anything of myself if I owned it. No, not anything. Quotes would go unanswered. Time would flyby nights and daylights wouldn’t matter. Not one bit. The percentage of […]

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The Things We Won’t Admit To Ourselves

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know” —Hemingway I’m better at surprises now. The dreams are enormous. We are lying on a paisley blanket beneath a sunburst sky. I have the hiccups. You have the why’s. Why is it you? You’ve interpolated my verbiage and now all I want to do is […]

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A Bad Bitch That’s Never Overdressed Or Overeducated

You know those success stories of people who were like 900 pounds as a kid and then they grew up to become a health coach? Or like those stories of people who advocate against drunk driving because they got like 4.5 DUIs? Or haven’t you seen those drug programs that claim they can fix you […]

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Can I Teach You How To Make Promises?

He doesn’t make promises. I’d like to know a bigger why beyond just any ‘ole response, and yet, I’m stutterstuck. I’ve heard this “no promises” rule before, actually. From many people. I think it’s the idea that if you make a person a promise, there’s a chance you’ll break it. You know, the general consensus […]

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